A young transgender woman says she has no recollection of attacking three strangers with an axe in Sydney's inner west after voices in her head told her to "kill and maim" and "start the rise of hell on earth".
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Between listening to her favourite song on her balcony and waking up shackled to a hospital bed surrounded by police, Evie Amati roamed the streets with an axe, swinging it at the trio in 2017.
Amati has pleaded not guilty to wounding Benjamin Rimmer and Sharon Hacker with intent to murder at the Enmore 7-Eleven and attempting to wound pedestrian Shane Redwood with intent to murder in the early hours of January 7.
The 26-year-old gave evidence at her trial in the District Court on Thursday that she had blacked out before CCTV footage captured her walking into the store after 2am with her face contorted into a smile that was not her own.
Amati said she'd taken a pill, which she thought was ecstasy or MDMA, with her Tinder date Mickila Jahnsen and two others and spent a number of hours drinking and playing a truth-or-dare mobile game.
But when they piled into a car and one girl said she "admired" Amati's strength she realised the others had secretly discussed her being transgender and she fell into a "depressive episode" and "tailspin" triggered by being shamed.
"At one point I brushed Mickila's leg and she recoiled ... as if she was burnt, as if she'd touched a leper," she said.
Amati started hearing "inaudible whispers" on the walk home but smoked two joints to "anaesthetise" herself, rocked back-and-forth and listened to her favourite song - Flatline by US metal band Periphery.
"I just wanted someone to come and stroke my head and tell me that everything would be okay," Amati said.
The voices become louder and she saw visions of herself running at police with the axe and being shot dead.
"I only really had one more memory ... that voice that had been telling me to kill and maim, and inflict pain on people, and start the rise of hell on earth," Amati said.
"I recall everything going quiet and feeling that voice come inside and I remember that smile, the smile that was not mine, a sinister smile that plastered my face that I couldn't control and then I black(ed) out."
Amati said she had "never seen" Mr Rimmer, who suffered serious facial injuries, until the day he gave evidence.
"I don't recollect doing any of those things," she said.
"If I could take every one of those blows and put them on myself instead ... I would've done it 1000 times over."
Her barrister, Charles Waterstreet, says the 12-person jury will have to consider the state of mind and intent of Amati - and whether a defence of mental illness can be made.
She is expected to be cross-examined by prosecutor Daniel McMahon on Monday.
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Australian Associated Press