After a weekend that would have seen us holding our biggest fundraiser of the year for Chaplaincy and a family 50th (sob, sigh, stare) I'm instead just glad to be alive; one of my Mother's Day gifts tried to kill me!
No, it wasn't my fragrant candle attempting to burn the house down or my divine eau de parfum asphyxiating me, I didn't even fall to near death from my pushbike due to the changed balance conditions caused by my new bike basket (Okay, I did fall off, but it was just a scrape - not near death).
The gift most endangering my good health, turned out to be the one I thought might be amongst the most beneficial.
My electric toothbrush, rather than providing the finishing touches to my smile, nearly finished me off!
Apparently, enthusiastic use of my fabulous gift - all the while dreaming of how impressed my dentist would be with the lack of fresh coffee stains the next time I saw him - was plumping up my gums so much, that they trapped some of my breakfast-in-bed between a couple of cantankerous canines. (Yes, it was actually a ham and cheese croissant in the kitchen, but let's not let that ruin a good story).
Unaware of the impending disaster, I continued to polish away.
As the days past though, a strange elusive pain developed and began nagging away around the region of my jaw, transient enough to blame on my back ache.
Referred pain from tight shoulders and neck caused by all this working from home?
Jaw pain from clenched teeth and night time isolation worrying?
After limping to the day of my chiropractic appointment - which soothed soreness the length of my spine - my face pain then had nowhere left to hide.
Wearily laying my head on the pillow that night, I was only able to toss and turn in agony.
There was no option but to raid our shoebox medicine chest for painkillers prescribed for my offspring.
Shocking behaviour; I do not advise it.
I foolishly survived two more days without antibiotics, hoping healing would begin.
Even in my blinding pain, I madly calculated that my inability to eat might combat some of that unfortunate isolation weight gain.
No such luck.