Pulling into the car shed one night last week after picking-up one of my essential workers from her part-time job, I found myself reacting to the latest coronavirus-related news in our conversation with the loud exclamation of, "Are you serious?!"
I jumped when the voice of an unseen British male passenger in the backseat calmly responded with, "Yes. I'm not allowed to be frivolous."
It was, of course, Siri; the voice activated electronic personal assistant on my daughter's iPad.
He wasn't aghast at the latest COVID-19 news, or frustrated by remote learning, or bored silly by being stuck at home - only we humans are suffering this new form of torture.
Siri doesn't get dizzy from inhaling too many alcoholic fumes off full strength hand sanitizer because he's applied it excessively in the supermarket in a bid to escape his house overflowing with three teenager daughters.
Siri isn't gaining weight hand over fist because a delicious meal is one of the only unrestricted exciting things he has to look forward to at present; a creamy curry or crumbly cake, yum!
Siri isn't at his wit's end about his teenage offspring being totally absorbed in whatever garbage is distracting them from real life on their myriad devices because real life is on hold at the moment.
Siri doesn't struggle in the endless defence of his children's intelligence, sending him to hide in the pantry and stuff his face with chocolate - careless mistakes aren't his thing.
The world-wide-web is dishing up things like make-up tutorials and celebrities playing with puppies and Harry Potter games and movie previews which lead to actor biographies and quizzes about which Jane Austen character you share the most qualities with. Young minds are stuffed with this trivial, shallow, inconsequential junk.
These things only tempt people who are frivolous, and apparently Siri is not allowed to be frivolous, he's just totally all about enabling the rest of the world to be nothing but frivolous!
We are amusing ourselves to death. It's all terribly diverting and engaging and sometimes even compelling, but it's all someone else's life or no-one's life at all because it's just the created code of a computer game. Thanks for that Siri - Mr SIRIous!
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